" Mindlessly numb I wait for sweet slumber.
I hold the remote but I can’t turn this off -
this gray static of nothingness without a hint of the usual hiss. "we learn and we swear that we'll never be this stupid again. im trying to tell myself to not take this as a bad experience. i'm not really that affected, but the feeling is just too raw. like a new wound. i guess i overreacted in a way, and usually im not so harsh and mean and direct. but there's always a first for everything. but im not sorry for calling you a bastard. because you are one.
"this was a bad idea right from the start." yes indeed. i should have listened to everyone. but as usual stubborness overwhelms where i refuse to take the advice of everyone but see it for myself. and finally i did. yes i know im at fault for even reciprocating, but you were the one who initiated everything. i should have stopped myself but i didnt. somehow emotions got the better of me.
the messages last night revealed to me who you really are, a side ive never seen before. the monstrosity of it all. and it hurts. but i wont stay like this for long, i'll just rant here instead of ranting at you and being called crazy is just wonderful.
i guess im still bitter cos i feel so cheated but i shouldnt even have put feelings into this in the first place. i know all of my friends are thinking " i told you so..." "i knew this would happen...". yes i feel so dumb. but as i said, i'll learn from this.
all i can do is wish you a good life ahead. thanks for the great times. even though all this has happened, youre a good guy but im sorry i cant let it all go and start over again. if i see you walking down the streets, im sorry i wont say hi. i am childish in this way. even if we remain friends, it would be so strained and full of tension. at least for me. so what's the point?
i dont think you'll ever read this but im sorry too. im sorry for everything that happened. everything shouldnt even have happened. it's gonna be so weird not hearing your voice at night anymore and not emo-ing together with emo songs. but im gonna live with it.
I should be angry but a desert of emotions reigns supreme. I am afterall human and I have a heart that is ill from your unintended poison. I will one day hopefully find my own peace with this. But i learn.
ok im gonna get ready to meet the babes.